Written by Girl Birthday Gift
This morning I woke up feeling okay with the way this pregnancy is looking to end.
Today marks 37 weeks, which is "full term" if we are speaking technically. I cannot believe we are already at this pregnancy milestone! Where oh where did you go, time? It is coming to a close, and a close I was not anticipating, but one I have finally met with peace.
A few weeks ago, I talked about my concerns and fears about baby boy being breech, especially the frightening reality of a c-section that goes along with the breech presentation. Well, guess what? He is still as breech as they come, little head tucked squarely in between my ribs. I can just picture him straight as a board, feet rigid and maintaining his post. We've a mini soldier in this womb! Of course, this means a c-section is now planned. In 16 days to be exact.
I am completely and absolutely okay with it. All those fears and apprehensions have melted into an overflowing feeling of calmness and security.
We had originally planned to do ECV, but that was actually the thing giving me the most anxiety. A mother's intuition -- you just gotta trust it in those questionable moments. I don't know, I suppose that tiny inward voice kept badgering me, saying, "Abbey, there is a reason he is breech -- don't mess around with this. Let him be." Once I accepted the reality of this urging, instead of the need to be in control to ensure the ideal birth experience, everything just felt right. Even if it didn't seem right according to my neatly, perfectly packaged birth plan. You know, the one that was supposed to be totally natural and unmedicated, complete with hypnobirthing and the ultimate expression of, "I am woman, hear me roar!" That whole bag of tricks. But you know what? All of that expectation and judgment in regard to childbirth needs to be thrown out the window.
Honestly, I am tired of the pressure and preconceived notions of how people should bring their babies into the world. You like having your babies in a tub in the middle of your living room floor? You go for it! Epidurals are your best friend and you completely believe in them? More power to you! You actually prefer to have scheduled c-sections over vaginal deliveries? I don't see anything wrong with that either! Having your baby this way or that way doesn't and shouldn't make anyone more awe-inspiring, or conversely, make them feel inadequate. A good mother is one who trusts her instincts, knows her body and mental limitations, and does what is best for baby and family. The fact that a woman makes the sacrifice to be dubbed with the title of "mother" is the victory and beauty in all of it.
So, yes. I have come to grips with having a c-section, instead of demonizing the mere thought of it and submitting myself to subconscious guilt from outward pressure and influence of the "natural" childbirth movement. It is how God is intending this boy to enter the world, and at the end of the day I just have to let go and remember who is really in charge. I am replacing my faith with fear, and that faith has finally set me free.
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